Long Runs and Running Demons

Joy here...Okay, I before I can log in the details about my weekend's long run, I figure that I need to make it clear that I'm not a runner. I never grew up running; I never really knew anyone who ran; and I was convinced that marathons were something that insane people who liked to torture themselves did. When I was in high school I did some sprinting - 100m, 200m, and 400m - and I was sure that's about the only distance that I could ever run. Then in 2007 I started dating the man who became The Man (aka my husband). He had just finished running a 1/2 marathon, and was very much into running. And I thought, "heck, that's something that we could share, if I can get off my butt and do it." I was, however, convinced that if I ran for more than 15 minutes in a row, I would die. I even explained to him that my internal organs would explode, and I wouldn't just have a heart attack, I would have a heart explosion. It would be ugly. I was convinced. For my very first run, I lasted 9 minutes. I ran out from my house for 5 minutes, turned around and ran back, and I had to walk the final bit home. It was humiliating. I bought new shoes and tried running on a treadmill. I spent much of that spring trying to work up to 20 minutes on the treadmill. I still remember the first day that I worked up to 30 minutes on the treadmill. It was really a red letter day! I didn't die; my heart didn't explode, and I could still walk afterwards. I figured that 30 minutes on the treadmill a couple of times a week was more than any normal person would ever need to run. So I was happy. Then The Man tried to convince me to run outside with him I was a little wary. I mean, without the treadmill, I wouldn't have time or distance or pacing information right there on the digital display in front of me. I might also have to run up or over hills or watch out for pebbles or cars or something. In short, I was afraid of the uncontrolled environment of the out-of-doors running experience. But I figured, "okay, Joy, you've tried this whole running thing thinking it could be something you share with this guy, so get out there and share!" So off I went for my first non-treadmill run with The Man. It was tough. I won't lie. There was a hill. There was walking. And there was huffing and puffing. But I just kept at it. I ran outside again and again and again and again, and after about 5 months of running, I was able to run for a whole hour (with maybe only one or two walk breaks). After about 8 months of running, I was able to run for a whole hour by myself, without The Man there to encourage me (or for me to be embarrassed in front of). From there it was only a matter of months to work up to 75 minute runs and then eventually 90 minute runs. It was great. I felt strong.

That was two years ago.

Then I took a job in a different city from The Man. Depression, frustration, annoyance, and downright laziness came into play, and all that hard work went out the window. In a matter of months I was back down to 30 minute runs on a treadmill, maybe once a week. It was at that low point that I decided to make a change and start on this training journey with Nomi. I thank my lucky stars for her on a regular basis, because I don't know if I have either the willpower or the drive to do this without her on the other side of the world grappling with her own running demons. Now I feel like I'm starting to get back to a point where I can run. It's still a long struggle, and I don't have that famed "runner's high" where I feel all invigorated or anything yet. Each run is different, and before each run, I have to convince myself to get out the door and just do it. I never regret the runs, but I wish that I didn't have to have the battle with myself each day before I can get out the door to pull off the run.

So this weekend was no different. Our scheduled "long run" for this week had to be at least 16 kms (since that's what I was able to pull off even with my killer stitch last weekend), and, as usual, I had to just ignore all the little voices in my head telling me to keep sleeping, to eat some chocolate, and to postpone the run for another day. And in the end, I'm really proud of myself for heading out that door and sticking to it, because I was able to run for the longest distance of my entire life. If you had asked me in 2007 if I would be able to do this kind of run, I would have told you "no way, I'll die." More than that, in 2007 I wouldn't have even understood why on earth someone would want to run. I mean, in my mind only crazy athletes (definitely not me) or people trying to lose weight (luckily not me) would be into running long distances. For someone like me who was "good enough" all around (i.e. "good enough" in terms of having an okay figure; "good enough" in terms of being in decent enough shape to walk up a flight of stairs or play some recreational sports...etc.), I just didn't understand the lure of running. Now, I can say that I feel like I'm just on the edge of being able to accomplish something really great. I don't mean to blow the notion of a 1/2 marathon out of proportion, because I know that for athletes out there, a 1/2 marathon is like a walk in the park. But, trust me, there is nothing walk in the parkish about a 1/2 marathon for me. It's something that I didn't even imagine ever doing because it was so out of the realm of anything imaginable for me. And so the newness and strangeness of being able to run long distances is really exciting for me. It makes me wonder what else I can do that I never even dreamed of doing.

This weekend, I ran for 18.42kms!!! It took me a heck of a lot longer than that first run of 9 minutes, and so I feel encouraged.

My run stats are:
I ran a total of 1:52:01 for 18.42kms at an average pace of 6:05min/km. Interestingly, for the first 16kms, we ran for an average pace of 6:07min/km and for the final 2.42kms, we sped up to 5:53min/km!

Of course, I earned a rest day yesterday after that long run, so my little voices won out, and I was able to just roll over in bed and leave the running shoes by the door. And today, I'll battle with those voices all over again, because one thing that I've learned is that even a great run or a long run or a run that feels like air isn't enough to cancel out all those running demons telling me to just sit back and take it easy, but in the end, I really do hope that I'm able to silence them for good!

Over and out,
Joy

*Note: The little graphic at the start of this post belongs to Jeff Scarterfield http://www.how-to-draw-cartoons-online.com/cartoon-devil.html#